Culture Twists

BEHAVIOR I – I’m not always “here” in the true sense of the word “here”, but I’m always some “where” due to the restrictive nature of physical laws. However, at some point, I may be forever anywhere at anytime due to the nonrestrictive nature of spiritual laws. (Learned the spiritual part from my religion studies and the physical part from my wife’s periodic calling “Ed… Ed!… Ed!!… Stop thinking, you’re scaring the children!”)

BEHAVIOR II – Normal CAD behavior is personified by navigation in and out of black holes… violating many scientific principles. It is a mysterious skill and not without certain negative repercussions… I being an adequate example.

BEHAVIOR III – There are moments in CAD that cause instant palpitations. These are CPU terminal BLACK HOLE anomalies that instill momentary panic during critical but errant command entries. These junctures initiate at best an undo keystroke or at worst a computer system unrecoverable crash. They are typical lessons learned in CAD tool interaction regarding “what not to do”. There is no finite number of anomalies but if you learn enough of these you are considered a CAD expert.

BEHAVIOR IV – Intellectual Paradoxical Interpretational Anomaly… thinking outside the box will either initiate Admiration and Accolades or Restriction and Restoration.

BEHAVIOR V – Did your parents ever tell you to “behave yourself” and did you ever respond? “Mom, [it’s usually the mom] that is so undescriptive and non-committal on your part… you know, as two meager examples, there is GOOD and BAD behavior. So telling me to ‘behave myself’ is open to my personal interpretation.” …And if you did reply in such a manner to your parent… are you still alive today?

MARRIAGE I – Guys. The best way to win an argument with your wife is to agree with her.

SHAKE SPEARED I – Due to our finite human culture, words and phrases are bound to repeat and be repeated repeatedly… Letters are a much worse problem.

SHAKE SPEARED II – Dedicated to my friend Neufer
What fright doth yon Winslow bake?
Tis the yeast and briquette is the bun. 
Arise fired bun and thrill the ravenous coon, 
who is ready to lick and smell as thief… 
that thou, err made, art far more fire than eats.

SHAKE SPEARED III – Coffee helps us write faster making caffeine a “participle accelerator”.

SICK HUMOR I – Humor is good medicine no matter how sick we become… which is funny is a sick way.

SICK HUMOR II – Dedicated to my friend Billy B
Speaking of Will… I sure feel sorry for anyone named “Will”… poor guy! If he were to join the military, he would always be having to duck when they say “Fire at Will”… And what about, “Where there’s a Will there’s a way”… What pressure that must be! Fortunately, there’s nothing stronger than Will power and a Will of iron… Don’t mess with Iron Will… But then, everyone expects something from a Will… And unfortunately, everyone is better off if you dispose a Will before you die.

NAVEL GAZING I – Funny how everyone I grew up with looks old now… My mind’s eye does not see the same person that I look at in the mirror.

NAVEL GAZING II – Writing is a lot like painting. Both are an additive process beginning with a subject or an idea and a blank surface that is eventually filled with structure and color.

VANTAGE POINT III – By my WOKE reckoning, if I identify as an outer space alien… I shouldn’t have to pay taxes.

BRAIN I – One thing I’ve noticed is that as we age we appear to become smarter… which explains why the hair on our head begins to gray. This graying-out is a direct result of brain overflow. As we acquire more smarts, we begin to gain excess “gray matter” which turns into a sort of human “flowering” of the head… similar to plant life when it reaches its cyclic and beautiful apex.

BRAIN II – Sometimes I wish I had a brain two. But that would likely just lead to more navel gazing!.

BRAIN III – You’re not old until you find out the next day that you put the milk in the cabinet and the Froot Loops in the refrigerator.

BRAIN IV – I have been accused of being a little corny… Seems I have this cranial limp that surfaces frequently like bubbles in a turtle filled pond.

BRAIN V – Some EDucatED people have noticED that ED is usED in many words. But mostly at the EnD… What’s up with that?

ROCK ‘N OLD – Now that I’m retired I’m thinking of starting a band again (I was a teenager last time that happened)… We’ll play Geriatric Rock and call ourselves “Freedom’s Elation” after my favorite retirement emotion…
It’ll be rock and rollover but I can’t get up!

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By Ed Caldwell

I’m mostly retired. Except for some unavoidable honey-dos, I pretty much goof off for a living now. My last career job was designing internet operating circuit boards along with a distinguished team of engineers, managers and support personnel. Prior to that I was an electronics technician evolving into circuit board design in the defense industry working with tactical missile systems. My first career job was a professional artist. During my younger years I worked many odd jobs beginning at age nine with a newspaper delivery route.

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