Note to my family and others: I have felt suicidal in the past but my long standing medical treatments are working. I’ve been stable for a long time and keep up to date with my nurse (and doctor). The following is only a reflection that I’m sharing from past experience.

Suicide is the mental equivalent of a terminal physical disease. It’s not a willful act to “commit” suicide. “Commit suicide” is a misnomer because it indicates that the victim was in control. 

At that emotionally extreme point, the victim is not in control. The illness is in control. Suicide is the triumph of a disease just like a death from cancer. Only suicide symptoms can be hidden making it impossible to physically diagnose and track.

Victims include all the people surrounding someone who has a suicidal disease. The survivors “guilt” believes that they could have done something to prevent it or even that they contributed in some way. But suicide is the internalized victory of a deadly illness. 

The suicidal victim is overwhelmed with terrible and excruciating mental pain and sees no other apparent means of relief. Suicide is not a rational act. 

The other victim, the loved one, falls prey to their own mental illness in a state of depression and anxiety. This depression can last off and on for a lifetime because the grieving victim is left empty and frustrated.

Probably the best medicine for suicide is talking. Losing a loved one to suicide is devastating. The suicide victim’s loved ones need help. There’s comfort in sharing with others. There’s comfort in human touch.

Dial 911 emergency services if you’re feeling suicidal.

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By Ed Caldwell

I’m mostly retired. Except for some unavoidable honey-dos, I pretty much goof off for a living now. My last career job was designing internet operating circuit boards along with a distinguished team of engineers, managers and support personnel. Prior to that I was an electronics technician evolving into circuit board design in the defense industry working with tactical missile systems. My first career job was a professional artist. During my younger years I worked many odd jobs beginning at age nine with a newspaper delivery route.


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