Breakthrough

At this moment, it’s June 2024… In summer 2003 I had a second major mental breakdown and wound up in the hospital, again. The first major mental malfunction was in 1977… I write about brain breakage and repair in this blog.

Probably the most wacky and benign thing stemming from the breakdowns was a grand delusion that I was going to save the world. I would do that with discipline and ultimately my suicidal sacrifice bringing peace to everyone on the planet. 

Unfortunately for you, but fortunately for my family and me, that didn’t happen. Yet I didn’t totally let go of that thinking. I started Ed’s Website in 2007 with that same goal but somewhat less willing to off myself. 

I harbored a secret belief, until now, that my website was going to save mankind from destruction. Not soon, but many years from now, after I’d gone. My thinking was delusional. My thinking was that I was the only human that understood God’s message through his son Jesus Christ. My thinking was that we, as frail narcissistically prone humans, had added our own emotional messages to Jesus’s assigned message and thusly corrupted our spiritual relationship with God. Up to now, Satan had been winning.

My website was going to correct our self destructive spiritual course. Setting us sailing and growing outward into the heavens… pure of spirit and free from evil. I felt that God was guiding me with spiritual signs and feelings. Eventually, everyone would be onboard. Satan would lose.

I’ve since come to terms with the reality that I cannot save the world. Fully realizing that it’s a good thing to want to happen. It’s just not a good thing to think that I can. There’s potential in this website for saving the world, but it’s not by my doing. I’m merely relaying a very old message that many have missed… maybe all of us.

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By Ed Caldwell

I was once tired, now I’m REtired… Except for some unavoidable honey-dos, I pretty much goof off for a living now. My last career job was designing internet operating circuit boards along with a distinguished team of engineers, managers and support personnel. Prior to that I was an electronics technician evolving into circuit board design in the defense industry working with tactical missile systems. My first career job was a professional artist. During my younger years I worked many odd jobs beginning at age nine with a newspaper delivery route.

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